THE LETTER

im make a thin lie to avoid seing you
make such a unfaithful reason not to see u
im sorry but thats my heart tells me to do
seems its easy to have lies avoiding you then have a lie to myself of wanted to see you

u were saying u gave me chances? before?
well,
thats happens before we even get together
and the reason that time, i try not to START with u is only the fear of hurting myself by loving you
the fear of losing you one day..
but u, with the simple, unreasonable causes, u........

and id told u many times,
dont ever come out wit a "leaving u" sense..
but, u r not hearing, arent u..
no matter how we argue,
just keep those words away..
like me..
even how mad, i am to u..
id never....
thats what ive learn from my past..

yes..
u may get angry, or hate me, or whatever..
but saying u gonna leave me..
its enuft to ring a bell inside my head..
how the feels are very similar
and the fears are already inside me

hmmm....
im staying home alone..
and,
dont worry, its not about other boys,
i never had one in my heart since i lost the game..
and if i can have again someone inside my heart someday,
i will treasure it till death..

i just wana tell u, me - u,
was never a lie,
everybody saw how much i love u before,
and what they saw, definately the one i cant hide..
but what happen now, is the one i fear the most..
im so sorry to let u go..

i do love u..
but, saying u were jelouse and mad at me
its reasonable..
but, talking bout leaving me with those reason?
im so sorry..

im not weak, but my fears are all over me..
the man i loved the most are married,
and he is having a very very good life,
the one who leaved me to rot,
and its not his fault..
but do trust me, its still not mine...
and me?
still searching the place i shall call home...
i desperately need to be happy..
so, i wont felt this painful feelings..
i need my life and enjoy it to the fullest..
love is not about who's fault, who's right..
when it happen, its happens...
without any intention to know the right path i should take..
i built mine to be happy...
and im sorry for not crying for losing u..
i dont know why ive become this heartless..
but, this is me now,
and all i know, im stronger then any man can ever imagine..
i just have myself so much,
make me wont fall even an inch..
but, heartless?
its just the price i should pay..

and maybe this is just a learning season for u,
and i hope ull learn more bout love....

and believe me, this is not me before,
u never know how much i can stand in a relationship
to make my dream come true..
but not all are the right dreams...
and i no longer know, which one is worth it to hold on..
so, we need to choose, only to be happy..
and im happy being myself,
having my life, my carier, my house, my precious friends..
but not love,
maybe not yet..
i cant be bound by past,
so i need to walk ahead..

but, it is honor to meet a very respectable family of yours..
even how much i wanted to be part of those such a beautiful life..
its still not mine...
i need to search mine first..

bye..

take care..

C.I.N.T.A